Frank's Bollocks Fiesta

Movies Continued

2008-10-05T13:05:30Z

We ended up renting Balto 3 by accident. We were after Balto 2. Apparently what we rented is better than Balto 2, according to IMDB. IMDB are a bunch of liars. I have not seen Balto 2, but I know for a fact it is impossible to be worse than Balto 3. A capably animated film by whatever horrid Korean studio was forced to make, its story, characters and horrendously slow pace manage to decimate what good will this piece of trash may have had. There is a whore duck, there is a "mentally challenged" (their words, not mine) polar bear who speaks like a deaf person sucking on helium. It is the worst, avoid. It's not bad enough to be funny.

Lion King 1.5 AKA Lion King 3 (they said it was an "all new feature" in New Zealand, but it is in fact just a bunch of recut footage). The animation was competent possibly due to the amount of money they saved by re-using footage. It is a terrible movie, made even more terrible by the main characters being Timon & Pumba doing a MST3K riff on the original film.

We also saw the latest opus from the director of the Lion King, Haunted Mansion starring Eddie Murphy. What is most depressing about this film is that the sets are beautiful and there was a huge amount of potential. Whether it be a campy horror film that can play to kids ala Goosebumps, or an inspired take on a ride like Pirates of the Carribean, or even if it was a wall to wall comedy, it would have been so much better.

Instead we get some of the most beautiful sets I have ever seen, accompanied by poor acting, boring writing and a total lack of inspiration. This is a boring film. Eddie Murphy fighting Zombies would have brought me to the cinema in the 90s. But now it is just awful. Avoid at all costs. One cool thing was that they played spooky sounds over the credits and I thought that was so much mor einteresting than the usual songs they play over them, then BAM! Nelly kicks in with another southern rap jam. Fuck that movie.

Movies I Will Watch/Movies I Have Watched

2008-09-16T07:35:42Z

More this week:
- Garfield 2 (Because we switched off during the climax of Garfield 1 two weeks ago, where Garfield insanely attempts to remotely pilot trains)
- Three Amigos (The Disney one)
- Monster's Inc (Never seen it)
- Shark Tale (It'll be terrible)
- The Reef (an even more grotesque rip-off of Finding Nemo)
- Space Jam (YEAH!)

Last week's selection:
- Pocahontas 2 (She has two love interests who are basically the same character, there is a scene with bear baiting. The entire movie makes fun of Native Americans. One of the central problems to Pocahontas is that she is constantly in defense of the bungling and evil British, in the end it all "works out fine", but as it turns out Native Americans have been dicked round almost to the point of extinction)
- The Magic Pudding (Unwatchably painful musical numbers, villains without motivation, terrible pacing and gross characters. Wildly inconsistent backgrounds, which range from passable to awful in a myriad of different art styles)
- Home On The Range (This film is BEAUTIFUL, we'll have some screen caps on Becky's livejournal soon. Too bad Roseanne Barr is horrendous, her character design is grotesque and the writing is excruciatingly mediocre. At one point Steve Buscemi plays a version of himself as a midget. Again the film looks AMAZING, the animation and the backgrounds are great)
- Garfield Fantasies (One of these is really good, one made us cry (and was also half-good) and one was just bad)
- Inspector Gadget (The worst film ever made)

Movies I Have Watched/Will Watch

2008-09-08T08:29:09Z

This week's selection:
- Pocahontas 2 (She goes to England, which is actually where she died, but I don't think the film covers this
- The Magic Pudding (An Australian animated film with John Cleese and Sam Neil)
- Home On The Range (The last 2D animated film from Disney, it is apparently so terrible it temporarily destroyed the company)
- Garfield Fantasies (It's honestly called that, 2D animated)
- Inspector Gadget (A CGI film! Not the live action or 2D)

Last week's selection:
- Garfield (Awful)
- Hoot (Awful)
- Powerpuff Girls Movie (Good)
- Rugrats Go Wild (Awful)
- Futurama Movie 2 (Good)
- Over The Hedge (Severely Mediocre)
- Dog City (Awful)
- Super Mario Bros Animated Series (Toad's Voice Is Horrifying)

The week before:
- The Wild (One of the worst films ever made)
- National Treasure 2 (Worse than the first one, Nick Cage hacks nature and furniture)
- Fantasia 2000 (The DVD was so scratched up and the CGI was terrible)
- Looney Tunes Back In Action (GOLD! TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE GOLD!)

I neglect my blogs

2008-09-01T12:04:10Z

Remember that whole travel journal thing? I didn’t! I’ve been back in New Zealand for almost a month now and I’m really enjoying it. Becky and I have a nice little studio here at the house and we’re working on some great projects. Becky is also working days at Toykong on High St, I’m doing freelance webdesign.

Becky and I share many things other than our work. We simply adore terrible movies. The last movie I just watched featured Bruce Willis covering Iggy Pop’s Lust for Life as the dog from the Rugrats. Choke down that ball of foil encrusted black tar, will you.

Wish you were all here.

The Last Days of Savannah

2008-06-06T08:02:03Z

I apologise in retrospect and advance for the abysmal quality of the writing in these posts. It's hard enough for me to keep this updated let alone a beautifully crafted piece of prose. I just really don't want to forget anything and even after a couple of days we are experiencing somewhat of a blur.

Zach & Frank's Excellent Adventure:

After dragging ourselves out of bed at the crack of noon, we sauntered down to Cafe SCAD, the strange and wonderful cafeteria that holds mostly unhealthy looking people (I am one of them). This is because most of their food is crafted from ingredients not fit for human consumption. Cafe SCAD has been subject to a daily pizza pilgrimage for me, that without the huge amount of walking I am doing, would be adding considerable girth.

I attempted to avoid the pizza and pick up a cheeseburger (which in my previous experiences has tasted stunningly like Burger King), but I was thwarted by the Clam Burger. The Clam Burger contains nothing but bread and some questionable pieces of fried clam that smelled like surimi gone awry. We documented this in photographs.

We also began a new class, drinks colour theory. The soda fountains being the colours. Jon Chad made a very nice purple, using Iceberry (which is not actually a fruit, it is in fact a colour) as a foundation. Uncannily due to its purple colour, it actually tasted like grape. Becky created a vibrant light green that was barely fit for human consumption.

From here we took off for Zunzi's to meet Zach. Zunzi's is a great sandwich joint and a bit of a local fixture, we were unable to try the sandwiches due to our aforementioned gastronomical trip to hell, but we partook in some scrumptious iced Roobois tea, which was both sweet and refreshing. From here, Zach took us on an adventure walking around Savannah, going through the cemetery which I believe played a huge part in the seminal Savannah novel Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. It is surrounded by swirled bricks imprinted by Masons to keep souls from wandering. Some areas of the park are so dark at night that there is a total absence of light, rendering you effectively invisible. We also found a phone outside, but as this was somewhere near the Devil's Crossroads, where an otherwise innocent offer can rob one of their soul, we opted to pass it up.

From here we went to a liquor store that had 40s, but we did not partake as it was early and I lost my nerve. We made up for this by travelling to a bar adjacent to the Hilton called The Lion's Den, staffed by a quintessential Savannah resident named Giselle (or Gerry, to her friends). We had frozen Hemingway daiquiris and an amazing conversation. Giselle maintained this job for most of her adult life, because it gave her health-care, even when she ran her own business 5 days a week. She couldn't be more cheerful about this injustice.

From The Lion's Den, we bid Becky adieu as she had class. We ended up at a cheap Mexican restaurant called Juarez, where the happy hour $1.75 margaritas were flowing. I had hot wings for the first time in my life and was rather impressed. I also managed to try Negra Modelo, which is a fine beer. From here we retrieved Jeremy, a fixture of the extreme study group at Becky's dorm, and wandered back towards home. Zach regaled me with another story of ghosts, Ancient Indian spirits that were appeased only through the placement of a giant rock and we were done with our travels.

Dumpster Diving:

It was the last day before all the kids moved out of school for the summer. Naturally, this meant rich kids were throwing away a huge amount of stuff that did not need throwing away. Also they were throwing away a lot of things that desperately did need throwing away for our own amusement. It started off innocently enough with an awful still life painting of a Bud lite and some tissues (Bro a la Mode?) that was still drying from what was clearly an alcohol fueled artistic rage on the last night of finals.

We then found a multitude of exceedingly useful and ridiculous things, such as twenty Snickers bars, entire sewing kits, a working laptop (in Spanish I must add), art portfolios, luggage, paper mache dragon masks that would put furries to shame, a broken computer chair with "The Bone Throne" written in masking tape on the seat, an entire box of 1000 drinking straws that somehow ended up forming an ever expanding island in the school pool... Also Dave found a few excellent pairs of jeans (and the man who threw them out). Other than an un-opened bottle of Smirnoff Ice, there was one find beyond all others. The story of a man who stood tall, played hard and fell even harder.

The find of the night was a man named Kyle Gallagher.

We know that due to the name on the failing grade on the front of his art history test. As we combed through his trash, we found more and more about him. His discarded screenplay about World War 2. His receipt for an overpriced unisex hoody from American Apparel. Oh what a tangled web Mr. Gallagher weaves.

I also found I had a tendency to acquire things I didn't need and later discarded myself.

On a visit to one dorm, Dave and I wrote messages saying we had crushes on people and to meet us at the SCAD Dorm at 3am. We are hoping this will yield a lasting comraderie with whoever chose to show up in the form of a new creative team called Team Joy.

We then walked down to Venus, a slightly less classy gay bar where I had a brush with an attractive drunk man... That one line was for my mum, cause I think she reads this. Anyway, there were topless bar tenders, some frat bro hit on Becky's room mate Mooshe and we had tall PBRs. The place was a bit of a spectacle, wish I had some photos.

The bars stopped serving liquor, as they tend to in Savannah (liquor curfew and all that, despite the bars still being packed beyond capacity) and we of course poured our beers into plastic cups so we could take them outside...

I wish I was making that up, but it is indeed the law.

As we walked back we experienced the spectacle of a crowd singing what appeared to be Spanish drinking songs in a very animated fashion.

We went to our friend Macarthur's place and he made us cocktails and pancakes with simple syrup as we prank-called Jon Chad's awesome girlfriend Mary (who I should mention found an entire sewing kit while dumpster diving).

It was all a great time indeed, you should have been there!

At this point I'm about a week behind on this, but I've been taking hella notes and mad photos, so hopefully I get a day free in New York or Williamsburg to sort it all out.

Days ?-?

2008-05-28T06:08:03Z

Today has been pretty slow, I got to visit another cafeteria and honestly slept most of the day. Jetlag has hit me harder on this trip than it did even in London, I think it's due to the compromised sleeping situation here in Becky's dorm and the light that streams in during the morning. My amazing blackout/crackhead curtains at home clearly haven't made it here as they are using clearly terrible venetian technology.

At one point I was sleeping with the lights on at 5pm today. Not so good. Also I've been eating some fairly rough American food, like McDonalds (so Becky could get a Speed Racer toy) last night, which is tearing through my digestive tract like a... car? I suppose? Poignant/timely simile? Ugh.

I'm still having a great time though, last night we did in fact see Speed Racer and it was great to see it with a bunch of people (visual arts students) who saw it from a purely aesthetic perspective. It is a beatiful, bright and cartoony movie. Becky also has Trixie's haircut, which is amazing. It's probably the movie that has come the closest to capturing the 80s cartoon aesthetic that many have failed at (See: Flintstone's Movie, which John Goodman was also in).

All the college kids (and some are kids! 5 years younger than me, good god!) draw in groups, but I don't find I can write like that as I don't really have a conscious process, and since I'm not writing anything longform now (soon I will be), I can't work through it in a formulaic fashion. I occassionally duck out of the room to write, but mostly just talk a lot and watch The Golden Girls. They are good fun and put up with me though. Also I need to charge my DS but I keep forgetting to.

Tomorrow I plan on having some adventures, so I'll keep you all posted. Also I want to write some dang comics, I wish the Macbook would arrive from Amazon, because a laptop would allow me to write more socially (screw Notebooks).

Soon there will be photos!

Frank in America! Day 1-3

2008-05-26T07:57:54Z

Friday started innocently enough with a little bit of webdesign work, but ended in a day which saw about 30 something hours without sleep and the inside of more than a couple airport bars. Be prepared for plenty of irrelevant data as I attempt to archive memories of what promises to be a particularly epic tour into the heart of America. And by the heart, I mean the south, which is where I am now. I probably should have capitalised south, but I think it needs to earn it.

Oh god I'm probably offending people already. Sorry...

5pm, airport, New Zealand. It took us 10 minutes to get to the airport in early Friday rush hour, followed by a 5 minute check in for my flight to Los Angeles on Qantas. I don't think I've done a long haul flight with Qantas and 12 hours is certainly a haul of some kind of description. Long is certainly suitable, but I'm not sure mere length really illustrates the tediousness of a flight.

I was a bit of a zen master on this flight as I only watched one film, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas and played ver y little of the Nintendo DS. I spent more time on the DS during the band's recent trips to Wellington. I sat next to a nice wealthy lady from Melbourne, whose husband was a member of the military. She took an ambien and drifted off fairly quickly, coughing the entire way and terrifying me on two fronts (A: Will she die? B: Will I get sick?) - luckily there was a seat between us which gave us a certain amount of comfort. However, sleep did not find me.

There were also no crying babies.

I ended up in Los Angeles a little late, we landed to a busy LAX and had to be towed to a remote terminal, where we were then bussed into the main terminal. The luggage was apparently late as well, but it wasn't as bad as LAX has been in the past. I re-checked my luggage in the seemingly hopeless pursuit of getting it to Savannah without me dragging it around multiple airports. I did a brisk jog, fuelled by a sleepless night and a morning of percolated airline coffee, to the DELTA terminal to take my first DELTA flight. My gate changed, as it often seems to. I then sat in a Mexican themed bar and got a couple Sam Adams and a cheese enchilada (which had brown-ish cheese, but was actually guiltily delicious) before I stumbled onto my plane. I came across a Filipino lady who was also heading to Savannah and we had a nice chat.

I also got a spiffy Sony camera, so my memories would not be captured in clunky, fuzzy Nikon Coolpix for this visit. Usually the Nikon yielded two beautiful photos in its 4mpx glory on my previous trips. The new, cheap Sony has done a much better job already.

The flight to Atlanta was longer than I expected, but was eased by a pomegranite martini purchased for me by the Vice President of Business/Law at CBS. Lovely woman who was very charming, funny and the flight flew by (get it? it flew? jesus christ). But yes, she was really cool and we watched the Daily Show. I also caught a couple hours of sleep, comforted by my in-ear silencing headphones (Sennheiser CX300s bought especially for the trip, to avoid iPod headphones tearing my eardrum out - I am sorry this is a bit of a consumer blog).

We arrived in Atlanta, which was generally a blur of an airport for me, as our flight ended up running a tiny bit late. The flight to Savannah was made easy by a man who worked in the Peace Corps as well as for the Grand Canyon national parks, where we got to talk about the environment and comic books and whether the comic form has the ability to trivialise rather than twist subject matter. Good conversation, despite my tiredness (or perhaps because of it), saw the flight become very short indeed.

I arrived in Savannah to a banner held by Becky and Jeremy Sorese which said Hannah Montana. Becky has an adorable flapper bob haircut at the moment which totally suits her. Ben picked me up from the airport, because he is a rad awesome person. His jew-fro is conspicuously absent at this time.

We went back to Becky's, which included some nasty pear vodka from a plastic vodka that I abstained from, then I passed out... for three hours. Woken up by the crisp grey of a humid summer sun pouring through the warped metal venetians, we then took a half hour walk around Savannah, going onto sleep till about 6pm that day.

After that we attended the Crystal Beer Parlour, which was a sort of end of school party for many people. The Crystal Beer Parlour was an all glass building that was painted over during prohibition in a token attempt to conceal themselves from the authorities. It also had "fries" that were bigger than most New Zealand potatoes. I partook in a crab burger, which was quite fun indeed. I also got to sample some great American craft beers like 420 and Dogfish, both of which I believe were based on IPAs, which usually aren't my favourites. I guess it's because Tui has spoiled IPA for NZ just as Redback spoiled wheat beer for Australia.

Following that I was shown the student town night life of Savannah, which involves legally drinking on the street. Also you don't need a numberplate on the back of your car, so some people have american flags or horrible drawings on the back plate instead. That seems rather out of place, but it's worth saying. I sampled some Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap, which turned out to be a lot better than regular PBR, which is kindof like when I drink Speights in NZ. I also managed to try Bud Lite (barely beer, more nasty tap water with a pinch of hops) and Miller High Life (the Champagne of Beers). The apartments in Savannah are all nice little town houses, with heaps more space than a conventional New Zealand flat. Ben's apartment was surprisingly close to the house of the man who invented Crocs, who has eternal flames burning outside his building. Sadly they are not burning crocs or his effigy, but rather some super religious bullshit. Ben also has an animatronic elvis in his house, which has sideburns that feel like velcro treated with fabric softener and silicone lips that would put Melanie Griffith to shame.

We ended up visiting a bar called The Rail, the sign touting "Spirits & Spirits", which has an Irish frat pub kindof feel to it, with a ghetto outside area that is almost reminiscent of NZ's Wine Cellar, except with more Bud Lite. The music was all 90s rock's greatest hits like Bush, Live, Rage Against The Machine and other atrocities. Someone was making irish carbombs/boilermakers with flaming Bacardi 151, and some people spit them out onto the floor. Also there seemed to be more peanut shells on the ground than you would see in an old timey cartoon elephant pen (how's that for a hella strained metaphor). We went from that bar, after seeing a chalk outline of the statue of liberty on the ground, to another called Pinky Master's, where Jimmy Carter announced his run for president. However, you wouldn't know that as there were anonymous carrots littered around the table, with people effectively dancing to wedding music like Billy Joel/Idol/Ray Cyrus. There was also a whole We Are Flaming/Sly & The Family Stone thing going on. Following that we went along to Mandy's apartment where I got to observe American beer pong being played. Video will be forthcoming!

That night I slept for three hours, waking up at 7:30am due to jet lag once again and channel surfed, finding some disturbing Disney wannabe wiggle with long hair who uttered the lyrics "Here comes the master of the ceremony/he runs faster than a pony". We got a lot more sleep then wandered around Savannah a little. I got to go to the SCAD Cafe, which had fake burger king and some "fruit" drinks (it's not juice, it's DRINK) that tasted nothing like any fruit I have ever experienced. We also had an adventure at an American grocery store, Kroger's, which is probably my best American grocery experience thusfar. There was no ham with 1 inch of circular fat surrounding it, neither was there yeasty bread that made me want to die. I also bought some cosher hotdogs and some unnaturally waxed Granny Smith apples, that were both huge and delicious.

We hung out at Ned's, played with Edwin (Mooshe's cat), Samoa (Mia's cat I think) and Macy (Ned's cat). All were very nice. Then it was a worker bee at Becky's. Their college work ethic is amazing and it's made me want to be more productive already, I think I can really drag Becky down with my laziness at times and I'm feeling really driven right now.

We ended up returning to the SCAD Cafe for a bi-monthly event called "Breakfast for Dinner", where a late night breakfast is served for stressed out studying students, sometimes by the professors themselves. I had food that was terrible for me, but luckily I have been walking a bit lately. I think a trip to a gym of some description may not go amiss so I can impress Becky's parents with a svelte figure for graduation this weekend.

Savannah is a really cool city, simultaneously beautiful and rundown. 1850s villas surrounded by dilapidated 70s housing, the kind of fad housing that crops up in NZ in the form of the little grey boxes that sit on subdivided sections. It has a little feeling of danger. Their college is surrounded by security guards, but the campus itself scatters the entire city, which is part of its charm but also maybe a safety nightmare. Apparently they were going to pare back SCAD security for an equestrian minor, which sounds so ridiculous it may be partially true.

All Becky's friends are super awesome, I must say. New Macbook will be here in a couple days so expect more photos, maybe some little average quality videos and more writing. I think I'll come back from this a better person, who has eaten way too much sausage.

A Slightly More Recent Update

2008-05-20T13:36:07Z

It’s been awhile, old blog. I’ll have to get back to you with regards to the last couple of Phony Bone shows, but more pressing matters have arisen. Namely, my departure from our stately nation in but a handful of days.

Here’s where I can be seen:
I’ll be DJing on June 7th or 8th somewhere in Manhattan. There’s also a forthcoming date in San Diego as well and hopefully Chicago. More details soon.

I’ll be walking the floor at MoCCA NY Art Fest on June 7th & 8th. Similarly, at WizardWorld Chicago from June 26th till the 29th. Furthermore, San Diego Comic Con from July 23rd till the 27th.

And if you are one of my darling yankee friends, here’s a detailed run-down of where I’ll be. Give me a buzz and we’ll catch up:

23rd of May - Savannah, GA
1st of June - Atlanta, GA
6th of June - New York City, NY
13th of June - Richmond, VA
16th of June - Williamsburg, VA
24th of June - Chicago, Il
1st of July - Las Vegas, NV
5th of July - Los Angeles, CA
15th of July - Anaheim, CA
22nd of July - San Diego, CA
30th of July - Auckland, NZ

3 down, 2 (?) to go

2008-05-04T16:52:44Z

I played three shows this weekend. It is 4:30am now. Why am I awake at this time? Because I had a nap at 9pm. Why did I have a nap at 9pm? Because I'm fucking exhausted. I can't remember a single thing I did today other than eat a hot dog. It was delicious, if you are interested.

On Friday afternoon, I packed up shop and rode on down to Jony's before we went to 95bFM. Apparently Auckland University has decided that no one needs to park anymore and got rid of what few parking spaces they have. It sounds like the topic for a terrible stand-up comic with a faux Seinfeld bassline/beatbox in the background, but it is fucking annoying.

We did a nice little interview with Craig, who I've run into before at AltTV and seemingly at random. He is a nice fellow and our interview was barely coherent, but it was really fun. Graham burped on the air in what he calls a fit of retaliation for not being playlisted. I think this is fine, but Graham burps around me all the time, so I wonder what I have personally done wrong.

After that we started a near three hour trek to Hamilton through shitty weather and rush hour traffic. We arrived late as all hell, had a ridiculously long sound check and then filled ourselves with horrid Burgerfuel. In the background they were playing Johnny Cash's cover of Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus. I like this song a lot. But is it really an appropriate song for biting into some slightly upmarket fast food? I think some nu-emo like The Used or Taking Back Sunday would work better. Anger is a motivating factor in eating fast food, but it would have just enough self-loathing to ground you so you wouldn't order an extra milkshake.

We got back to watch Damsels take the stage. MC Stormtroopa's new band with Sam Walsh of Mole Music. Sam is an awesome guy. They have a Die! Die! Die! vibe to them that I find to be quite great. The Braxton Hicks were nice guys, they're very professional and they had a song that was eerily reminiscent of the Arctic Monkeys. Also one song contained both flavours of the contemporary super rock disco beat, which was impressive.

Amy Racecar are awesome. I met Matt Emory (front man of Amy Racecar) through MC Stormtroopa when we were attending the Armageddon not-quite-comic convention. He's a funny guy and ridiculously talented, they owned the stage. Also Simian Lines, the fine drummer of the band, makes some sick posters and rocks the cowbell in an old-school way.

We turned up the volume at a steep incline as Phony Bone relaunched its string breaking career. I cut my hand in two places with a broken bass string. Graham broke a string. It was almost reminiscent of our gig with Batrider, where no less than 4 guitars were utilised due to string-breaking hysteria. This was also our best Hamilton show, closely followed by the one we played two weeks prior at Ward Lane. A town affectionately known as "gas money" to some bands is honestly one of my favourites and is home to many of the raddest music friends I have.

At one point a drunk lady stole my tambourine and held it rather close outside. She tried to trade it for drugs, but that failed. She also hid it at some point. I found this very stressful but in retrospect quite hilarious. I do like that tambourine, even if I throw it around often. I met a great dude named Smash, who enjoyed my spastic bass-style. He had an expensive custom bowler hat. I also met a guy who was ridiculously drunk, to the point where he screamed having found out that I had been in the presence of the great Jeff Smith. At some point I saw him wearing a tartan picnic blanket and wandering off to the bathroom with the tambourine thief, only to return moments later to hug her in an awkward farewell.

We got home about 3am, was asleep by 4am and then awake at 10am to get ready for our Art Gallery gig. The Art Gallery gig wasn't as well attended as it was last time, but it was nice for my mum to see me play again. The poor woman ferries me to gigs so often but I don't think really feels comfortable in a bar situation. I also find performing in front of "the olds" quite daunting, mostly because I don't feel like I can be as silly as I usually am around them.

The best moment was when Lee, a man we became acquainted with a long while ago, brought up a drawing and photo of his son Bruno holding our CD. Bruno was really shy and also incredibly rad. It reminded me of a show we did with The Brunettes (drop that name as hard as you can! Woo!) when the only person dancing to our music was a girl who at the oldest would have been 7. I like to think that this is because of the unholy coupling of my infantile grasp of theory with an enthusiasm rivaled only by a 9 year old off his ADD meds.

But the art gallery was again a satisfying experience, there were more than a couple of hiccups in the set but by the second show of the day, it was all but forgotten. Maybe due to a little help from a few errant bottles of Asahi, but forgotten nonetheless.

More on this tomorrow...!

Plans (Plans) Plans

2008-04-30T15:58:00Z

Four Phony Bone gigs to go. T'is quite a sad time for me in that respect, as I've put so much into this project over the last couple of years and to see it end is rather depressing. The upside is the new band I'm doing with Jony is a lot of fun and it's forcing me to flex some creative muscle in music, which I've never really done before. Phony Bone was really a stifling creative environment, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

On the flipside, I have one of the best trips of my life coming up. I head off to Savannah, Georgia on May 23rd. A week later I head up to Atlanta to stay with Becky's dad and step mother. Becky's father, Ed, has lined up some rad stuff for us to do. From major league baseball games to Six Flags. From there we go onto New York, where I'll be DJing and also attending the MoCCA NY Art Festival. After that we head to Richmond, Virginia to stay with Becky's rad sister, Carol Ann, for a few days before going onto Williamsburg, Virginia to stay with her mum.

From Colonial Williamsburg we head onto Chicago with Becky's friend Laura, to attend the WizardWorld Chicago comic convention. I'll also hopefully see my emo heroes Cursive and some Stevie Wonder on the side.

Chicago then gives way to Las Vegas, where we will be spending 4th of July no doubt swilling yard glasses filled to the brim with margaritas (or something without tequila, for Becky), as well as absorbing the horrifying spectacle of it all. There are real lions in the lobby of our hotel there. Send help.

Then we're going to mooch off our buddy Jamie (and his RADICAL lady Katie) for a week before we venture out to the desperate Los Angeles suburbs to the Happiest Place On Earth. God, I love Disneyland.

Then it's Comic Con time in San Diego.

I will be away for over two months.

This comes at exactly the right time, as I have quit my job awhile back and also I am antsy and need to get the kind of perspective on my situation that only comes with being a few thousand miles away. Also, I finally get to be with my partner Becky, after 3 years of us fighting to see each other every 6 months (if we were lucky). On July 28th we head home to New Zealand and we'll be getting a place together by Christmas. I am a very fortunate person and at the risk of being awfully sentimental, she makes everything else in my life seem miniscule.

So life is hard and great and full of wonderment. I am off to bed, radio show in the morning.

Music!

2008-02-05T13:20:20Z

I'm trying to get back into the habit of writing critically (or not so critically) about music. I've felt a bit detached from it all, really. Having one of those terrible nihilistic crises where nothing seems particularly important, but since a huge portion of my life gravitates around disseminating what many would call Horrible Opinions, I have to get over it one step at a time.

The first way to do so is narcissism. It is a truly beautiful vehicle. I am using myself as a bridge to talk about others! Ha ha!

Oh dear this isn't going very well.

The band's EP is nearly finished (scroll down a few entries, you may see something similar written in September last year). It's going out to radio on Friday, which is very pleasing indeed.

Now, to the music of others: I've been really digging the new album Alopecia by Why?

Why is an odd little bastard. Originally a fairly obtuse rapper, in the vein of (and the crew of) people like Dose One and their band of merry weirdos called Anticon. Somewhere around 2003, the guy decided he wasn't a weird rapper anymore. He was an indie rock vocalist!

This may sound terrible, but bare with me, because it actually works. Fatalist Palmistry, one of the tunes off it, sounds like a wonderful They Might Be Giants/Abandoned Pools (they did the Clone High themesong, but nothing else good) hybrid. It resonates, the vocals are earnest and I am addicted to the bassline for some reason. As a bassist, you think this would happen often, but it doesn't. This is because most bassists, like myself, are quite shitty at what they do or are at best complementary. I love it when the bass comes out of left field and carries an entire song.

I've also currently experiencing the most recent, but a little old, Mint Chicks album. It really is a great album and I am so very glad they are getting out of New Zealand to the land of Arts & Cheap Housing: Portland. Not that there's much wrong with our little island in the middle of the ocean, but it can get a bit stagnant for music after you've been at it for a few years.

Also, my father just got back from Los Angeles where he recorded an album in two days. It sounds quite beautiful and should be on the shelves within a couple of months (hopefully in time to bulldoze the New Zealand Music Awards).

Now back to this delicious caipirinha!

Welcome to the New Year

2008-01-07T12:37:07Z

I am searching for "Cool Runnings" on Wikipedia. This is how 2008 begins for me.

I'll be back soon now that I remembered this thing exists.

A Livejournal Kindof Day

2007-10-07T15:09:24Z

Pretty much.

May be of interest?

2007-10-02T15:32:59Z

This post is going to be mainly about putting together the back-end of the new webcomic’s website. But first, band things.

EP release has been pushed back. Producer is in South America. We are supposed to talk to some record labels. It sounds awesome. We have a gig on Oct 12th at Whammy Bar. A couple more details are available on the band myspace. I’m going to be adding more contact to the main band site, it’s currently in it’s neutered pre-tour state.

Onto the website. I installed AWStats without too many problems, though I installed it wrong according to a lame tutorial the first time. Second time, all smiles. Now I can stalk all the readers of the new comic.

After much deliberation, I went with ComicPress (which runs off the blog tool WordPress) as the program that will be powering the new comic site. In this field, options are pretty limited. I don’t really know any PHP coders, nor do I want to pay them, so all the custom solutions are out. Programs like Comikaze and Walrus, that serve as the back-end of many older webcomics, are hideously out of date and are no longer maintained. To avoid a painful migration process, many people just stick with them, despite their flaws. Apparently Walrus is back, or is coming back, but that’s neither here nor there.

My friend Jerry, the guy who runs Bomb Shelter Comics, is working on his own piece of back-end software. However, the new comic is due to launch within the next couple months and he’s pretty busy working on Webcomics Idol, amongst other projects. When he’s done, I’ll definitely check it out though.

The main reason for going with ComicPress is that due to it running off WordPress, it allows me to integrate a bunch of other online media. This includes proper blogging, podcasting and twitter. WordPress is so widely used and updated that I don’t have to really worry about it falling out of use. ComicPress is also very easily edited, so even if the creator dropped off the face of the planet, it’d live on. It’s basically just a theme over the top of it anyway.

Most people who use it (like my buddy Fred) don’t really customise it too much. And justifiably so, as editing WordPress themes isn’t a whole lot of fun. It’s easy to get to the place where you edit them, but once you get into the nitty gritty it can be an absolute bastard. On the surface it looks easy, but the struggle is to keep it visually consistent.

I had a number of troubles with WordPress tonight. The recent update has managed to break the Twitter Tools plugin and the ComicPress theme (making it ugly as sin). Since I’m changing the theme a lot, it wouldn’t be a problem, but things are definitely being read incorrectly, so I’m going to wait a couple of days till a new update to ComicPress shows up to save myself re-doing a lot of work. Also, the new version of the giant Podcast plug-in is broken as well.

Effectively, nothing works tonight but due to WordPress’ widespread use, it will be fixed in a couple of days. Frequent updates like this can cause temporary nightmares, whereas the stand-alone solutions are less likely to collapse like a house of cards when one element of the program gets out of whack. However, if those stand-alone programs fall apart and there’s no one around to fix it, then I’m fucked. One day I will be very rich and famous, then I will employ an administrator and make him dance for me.

Ramble ramble, 4:30am, bed.

Shoutz

2007-08-20T13:55:31Z

Hey interweb, it’s been awhile.

I’ve been spending a lot of time recording the new Phony Bone EP, called Big Ideas. We’re heading out on tour on September 7th for about 10 days. We’ll be playing 8 times! I’m really looking forward to it. We’ve been working with a bonafide producer on the new EP and as a result, it’s sounding really professional. I can’t wait for you all to hear it.

Songs (for those who have been to shows):
- Modern Day Tragedy [a revised version from the one that’s been playing on radio]
- Library Blues [there’s acoustic guitars afoot]
- Wake Up [a song that until now was a solo acoustic song]
- Confident Man [dance like an african]
- Guarantees

Confident Man is basically the oldest song we’re recording. It’s a really mature record, which is simultaneously heartening and worrying. I’m glad that we’ve come a short ways, but at the same time I still love those two minute pop hits, with the straight-ahead driving eighth note playing. I think for the album we’ll have a really well-rounded depiction of the band as a whole.

I’ve been really getting down with the new Les Savy Fav record, but I think it’s pretty hard to eclipse Inches. That is one damn fun record. Also Future of the Left, the new one from the dude in McLusky. Lots of hard rockin’ is going down in the Frank household.

In other news, some prick wants to build 9 houses next to our house, so we might be forced to move or be doomed to a plummeting house price. I want to do horrible things to that man. Unspeakable horrors.

I’ve also moved forward on the new webcomic I’m working on with Mr. Ned. I’ve written the first week of comics, with the target being 5 times a week. This is fairly daunting for a guy who isn’t exactly rad at putting out one comic a week (Though at my productive peak I was churning out three pages a week while doing a Masters). It’s written pretty differently for the moment.

Combustible Orange was really a picture of where I was a few years ago (a fairly self-aware one), maybe this one is about where I’m at now. I really want to continue with Combustible Orange as soon as Becky is able. I haven’t worked out what to do in the meantime, because we may not get it running again until next year.

Anyway, that is where I am at. Becky gets back to NZ in December!

To all those who are going to San Diego Comic Con…

2007-07-25T16:33:34Z

You are bastards. I want to be you.

More moody bollocks (the new album by Thom Yorke?)

2007-07-22T09:06:31Z

Why is it people always complain on these blog/journal things?

It’s cathartic to get things written down in your archetypal personal journal (I haven’t managed to maintain one of those since I was 12 years old), it’s cathartic to shout when people aren’t around, or to commit aggravated assault on a pillow (or pensioner).

When did it become more cathartic to shout at the top of your lungs to everyone you know, as well as a whole group of people who don’t. I mean, this could be someone’s first impression of me as a human being and I could be bitching in a most catty fashion about US politics, as well as other self-indulgent tripe.

I’m putting forward a concerted effort to sound less pretentious on this, but it’s really hard to when you’re musing about things that a lot of people rightfully take for granted. They’ve already figured this shit out, they don’t have to delve down within themselves and shout about it on the Internet.

But I guess the potential for an audience makes me feel better in some way. I haven’t worked it out yet. Probably relying on approval of others too much etc..etc.. In the meantime, I’ll continue to do it.

I’ve spent most of today in a bit of a funk about lack of progress in a few areas, I could go back to various points in livejournal history to see that I’ve felt like this a lot for the past 3 years. Essentially it’s a problem with me, but the situation has been exacerbated as of late by relying on other people to essentially complete my work for me. If I were more organised and worked harder, it wouldn’t matter as much. Time wouldn’t rear it’s ugly mug every now and then to fuck up deadlines.

The end result of this is cleaning my house a bit and setting up a bunch of music equipment that’s been partially put together for the past few months. I really feel the need to complete something on my own today. I’m not sure just a bit of prose can cut it though, so I need to learn how to do something new, fill in some of the gaps in the cheap swiss cheese that is my musical/technological knowledge.

I guess I need to celebrate the little accomplishments. Writing this is a little accomplishment. It may sound a bit sad that I’m giving myself a pat on the back and a cookie (both literally and figuratively, it is chocolate chip) for jotting down a self-indulgent blog. But that’s far from the truth. I’m feeling quite positive about it all now.

My hand smells like coffee. That’s because I poured coffee on it by accident. I’m feeling a lot better, thanks for listening.

Tonight’s playlist

2007-07-21T18:12:54Z

I’ve been trying to write tonight, do some basic structure stuff for this new story Becky and I started working on today. She basically came up with the entire concept, all I have to do is make it a story. Woo!

Here is my recipe for inspiration:

Ludacris ft. Mystikal - Move Bitch
Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone - Ridin’
Mistah F.A.B - Ghost Ride It
P Diddy & The Bad Boy Family - Bad Boy For Life
Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz ft. The Ying Yang Twins - Get Low
DMX - Party Up (Up In Here)
Pharoahe Monch - Simon Says (Rub On Yo Titties)
Xzibit ft. Nate Dogg - Multiply
Automatic, Federation & Dir - Shake Yo Helmet
Jay-Z - 99 Problems

Musings on the Prison System

2007-07-21T17:36:50Z

Clearly I’m qualified to talk about incarceration. I took first year philosophy and I can quote liberally from Foucault’s Panopticon…

However, the Internet has scorned me again and as such has prompted me to pry open my mouth and lay waste to the keyboard with my bile. I saw a fairly well executed but equally disturbing re-enactment of Michael Jackson’s Thriller by a few hundred Filipino prison inmates. You can view that here.

Watched it? At least a little bit? Ok good.

Does anyone else feel the least bit disturbed that it’s not enough to lock people up, now they have to dance for our entertainment?

On the flip-side of justice, five douchebags who dragged an innocent Iraqi from his home, kidnapped him and shot him 11 times just walked free. They were frustrated with the Iraqi government and were suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. You can read that here. The main kidnapper and murderer received a demotion. Relatives refer to him as a Hero, talking about the healing process beginning…

I’m getting tired of being disgusted every time I wrench apart the pages of a newspaper. I might just start reading the gossip pages of the Sunday papers and the New Yorker again. It’s a much happier world to inhabit.

Also if you’re an American, this is all your fault.

American Bollocks

2007-07-15T15:56:19Z

I still haven’t made good on my promise to get more into New Zealand politics than American politics. In addition to being drawn to the sheer gravitas (that’s why it’s called gravitas, it has a gravitational pull that sucks your mind into its shitty little orbit) of the Biggest Country Ever, I also see a lot more coverage of it. As a Google News subscriber, that’s what Google puts in front of me, because that’s what the rest of the developed world gives a shit about.

I saw a hilarious and disappointing article yesterday about presidential hopeless Dennis Kucinich and how he “overheard” a conversation between Hillary Clinton and John Edwards about limiting the involvement of the other candidates in the debates. Kucinich has been repeatedly portrayed as the high school nerd by The Daily Show, but hearing things like this just makes me think the whole fucking White House is like a high school. Emotionally stunted, immature, posturing fucks.

Actually, scratch all that. I didn’t mean for this to be some annoying bile flung at a system that everyone knows is a bit buggered. I just found that image of Kucinich interesting.

Also I just saw a headline that said “Osama Bin Laden is BACK!”, courtesy of news.com.au.

It sounds like the tagline on a movie trailer.

I hate the news.

That took awhile

2007-07-13T14:57:12Z

Since I last updated properly, I was an intern at Sony BMG Records, the subject of a Reality TV show and spent a month with my adorable American girlfriend, Rebecca Elizabeth Dreistadt. I also took a merry jaunt down to Wellington with the band.

Now I am sick again, for the third time this year apparently. This usually gives me time to do some reflection, which is about the only upside I can think of. I’ve been floating some half-articulated thoughts for the past month and a bit, so it’s nice to have an evening to unwind. I also seem to have grabbed a little bit of clarity, which is additionally quite helpful.

Keeping C.O. regularly updated while Becky’s wrist suffers has proved pretty difficult. I’m once again left thinking about what exactly I want to do with that comic. I’m trying (trying in theory, again, attempting to articulate my thoughts and slam them on a page) to write a character bible for both C.O. and the new comic Ned & I were meant to launch months ago. I really want to differentiate the comics, but to do that I really have to find out what they’re about.

Notepad in Windows is basically my version of the old butcher’s/parchment paper that kids use for brainstorming. The utter simplicity of it can be a bit deceptive though. Onto my next semi-connected and scatterbrained thought: It seems I’ve fallen into a trap and stripped away some of the visceral nature of the printed word. I really need to get back to the PHYSICAL piece of paper, hand-scrawling things, crossing things out, bits of paper everywhere. Then make sense of that chaos. And then I can put it into the old Notepad. Hold the two comics up and see why they’re different and why I should be making them.

Getting away from C.O. has given me a bit of energy creatively, but I think getting back to it in a more organised fashion will be an even greater boon. I really need to start getting some of these ideas out. And start taking notes more. And photographs.

For now though, I’ll use my usual cocktail of nasal decongestant, antibiotics, cough syrup, cough lozengers, cough suppressants, vitamins and all that. Sleepy time.

Oh and I need to read this Douglas Adams lecture, that I found on the old Boing Boing. Will do that tomorrow.

Plagued again

2007-05-23T12:36:13Z

Picked a lousy fucking week to get sick again, I’ve got this serious cough that’s been roughing me up since Monday. Stopped in at the doctor today for some antibiotics and was also given some crazy shit called “Gee’s Lucsoc”. Gee’s Lucsoc tastes like a shot of the cheapest strong brandy. I do not like Gee’s Luck Sock. Gee is a prick and so is his love sock or whatever the fuck it’s called.

I just looked it up on Wikipedia, it is actually Gee’s Linctus, which is a banned cough medication in many countries because it contains opiates. Just codeine though, but at the same time what the fuck are they giving me codeine for.

I’ll stick to my Vick’s Formula 44 from now on. Anyway, had band practice on Monday, band practice on Tuesday as well as a NZ Music Commission Seminar (which I attempted to not cough through). Went down to the doctor today and while in the waiting room got a call saying I was in the finals for MTV’s MADE. Apparently my one sentence application that I e-mailed in was just the trick.

“I would like to work in the music industry because I am in a band”

I had forgotten all about that until the woman talking to me reminded me about it. I won’t get in because I am both old (by MTV standards) and my application was retarded. Probably for the best. I would make a terrible reality TV subject.

Despite my maladies, I went along to a market research panel this evening to earn a little extra cash. Came home and since then I have no idea what I have done. I’m doing some print design work, it’s been about a year since I last did any (for the Combustible Orange print edition). Tomorrow I have a radio show, where I don’t think I’ll be talking much, followed by sound check for the band’s show at the King’s Arms, as part of BFM’s Fancy New Band showcase. We’re going out live to air on 95bFM at 7pm NZ Time, so listen in for that. On Friday we’ve got yet another practice and then on Saturday we have our Art Gallery gig.

Now that I have antibiotics hopefully I will bounce back by tomorrow so I can stop feeling like ass.

Google News

2007-05-20T02:34:53Z

I love my Google Personalised Homepage (iGoogle is an ever so slightly retarded name). I also love Google News and my other various Google products. Google calendar is a bit like an abusive spouse, but I put up with it for the sweet, sweet lovin.

However, Google News New Zealand has scorned me. The top story for today is "Jude Law's Sexy Fury".

Why should I care about Jude Law's Sexy Fury? It makes me almost tempted to click the article. But I won't. I WON'T CLICK YOU, JUDE LAW. NEVER!

Media Consumption

2007-05-16T04:12:51Z

Currently reading:
Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger

Currently listening:
The Tuss - Confederation Trough EP

Was watching:
The Comedians of Comedy

Nine Stories fell into my lap while at Borders, spending a pile of 40% vouchers that I recently printed off. It’s a book I wanted and it appeared in front of me in an unrelated section, I was looking at Children of Hurin or whatever the new Tolkien book is.

Apparently The Tuss is actually Richard D James doing his acid house analord thing again. It’s on Rephlex and it’s some good fun. I wish I could make stuff like this but my pirated copy of Reason won’t install. I recently downloaded the new Tomahawk, which should be alright at the very least. Mike Patton’s recent work has left me pretty indifferent. Some Faith No More records aren’t holding up as well as I would hope either. Still love the guy to death though.

I’ve been on a Patton Oswalt kick lately, which naturally led me back to Comedians of Comedy and watching some Zach Galifinakis stand-up. I might watch Ricky Gervais’ Animals shortly, I’ve never seen much of his stand-up (though I do enjoy the Ricky Gervais Meets… series) so I’m sure it will be well worth a look. I have a Dave Gorman DVD to watch as well, I’ve only been privy to his short stint on the Daily Show so I’m not sure what he’s capable of yet. Will report back later.

I went to the beach on Monday, it was really nice, I’ll tell you all about it later.

Saturday night

2007-05-12T15:31:31Z

Got up this morning at 9am, which isn't a happy time for me. I managed to land something like 5 and a bit hours sleep. Guest hosted my buddy Briggsy's show (he was off for work commitments) from 10am-12pm, which went ok. I was a bit rough and accidentally cut a track off halfway through. It was fun though. The radio station is in a space that has a boutique tea shop, so I threw back some refreshing Lemongrass tea. I'm pretty off the caffeine right now and tea feels like it really does the job in the morning.

Afterwards I managed to catch a bit of a nap on the couch, before heading out to Anna's house for Karen's birthday party. The band didn't end up playing it, which was a bit of a sore point with me but oh well. I have a full can of premixed bourbon and coke in my bag. Why oh why.

For the past few hours I'm not quite sure what I've done.