Why is it people always complain on these blog/journal things?

It’s cathartic to get things written down in your archetypal personal journal (I haven’t managed to maintain one of those since I was 12 years old), it’s cathartic to shout when people aren’t around, or to commit aggravated assault on a pillow (or pensioner).

When did it become more cathartic to shout at the top of your lungs to everyone you know, as well as a whole group of people who don’t. I mean, this could be someone’s first impression of me as a human being and I could be bitching in a most catty fashion about US politics, as well as other self-indulgent tripe.

I’m putting forward a concerted effort to sound less pretentious on this, but it’s really hard to when you’re musing about things that a lot of people rightfully take for granted. They’ve already figured this shit out, they don’t have to delve down within themselves and shout about it on the Internet.

But I guess the potential for an audience makes me feel better in some way. I haven’t worked it out yet. Probably relying on approval of others too much etc..etc.. In the meantime, I’ll continue to do it.

I’ve spent most of today in a bit of a funk about lack of progress in a few areas, I could go back to various points in livejournal history to see that I’ve felt like this a lot for the past 3 years. Essentially it’s a problem with me, but the situation has been exacerbated as of late by relying on other people to essentially complete my work for me. If I were more organised and worked harder, it wouldn’t matter as much. Time wouldn’t rear it’s ugly mug every now and then to fuck up deadlines.

The end result of this is cleaning my house a bit and setting up a bunch of music equipment that’s been partially put together for the past few months. I really feel the need to complete something on my own today. I’m not sure just a bit of prose can cut it though, so I need to learn how to do something new, fill in some of the gaps in the cheap swiss cheese that is my musical/technological knowledge.

I guess I need to celebrate the little accomplishments. Writing this is a little accomplishment. It may sound a bit sad that I’m giving myself a pat on the back and a cookie (both literally and figuratively, it is chocolate chip) for jotting down a self-indulgent blog. But that’s far from the truth. I’m feeling quite positive about it all now.

My hand smells like coffee. That’s because I poured coffee on it by accident. I’m feeling a lot better, thanks for listening.